SECOND ERRAND ➣ VIDEO

[deaftly]

[Normally Naki wouldn't bother posting a video to the whole network about something like this, but he's been trapped inside for far too long due to the hail and he's bored. So here we are.

The room behind Naki is exceptionally plain, without any sort of interesting features at all. Naki is slightly more interesting, if only because he's leering at the 'Gear in a way that definitely can't mean anything good. He's wearing the usual suit and overall there's nothing different about him. The interesting part of the video are the six Inkays at his feet. That's right. Six. Oh wait, one of them has a serious case of Ditto-face, but the other five look like normal Inkays.]

Alright, listen up! I'm going to show you guys something really fucking cool!

[And with that, Naki pulls out a bottle. It really isn't all that remarkable, but he turns it to reveal a cute Inkay sticker in the middle.]

This is an Inkay Bottle. I guess it's not as common knowledge as I thought it was, but this is how you evolve these fuckers!

[He nudges one of the Inkays with his foot, not hard enough to hurt it. It squeaks in response.]

So! Today I'm gonna evolve these things!

[He reaches down and picks up the Ditto-faced one, apparently not realizing that it's in fact a Ditto, then pops open the bottle and proceeds to stuff the Ditto-squid inside. That bottle really doesn't look big enough for a squid to fit into, but here we go.]

Okay, so once you've got 'em inside, then you turn it around like so-- [Naki spins the bottle around a few times and pops off the lid.] --And here we go--!

[...Well, whatever he was expecting, it wasn't a blue Ditto oozing out of the bottle and falling into a very dizzy puddle on the ground.]

What the fuck-- Goddammit, Copy!! I told you to sit over there, out of the way! Fucking hell, you've ruined everything!

[Naki proceeds to reach down and grab the poor Pokémon, only for it to try to wriggle free. One of the five Inkays apparently decides that this is enough stupid for one day and reaches up to turn off the 'Gear.]

Comments

[deaftly]

Oh. Oh yeah! Hang on, let me try it!

[So Naki reaches somewhere off-screen to grab one of those poor Inkays. It squirms a bit once it notices the bottle, but Naki's fast enough to stuff it in without losing hold of it.]

Here we go...!

[He spins it around and opens it and--! The squid oozes out like the Ditto did. There it sits on the floor, looking dazed and confused.]

Son of a bitch, it's not twenty either...

[ossifragant]

[That poor thing is going to end up with brain damage if it doesn't already have it....]

Well, you said they evolve for sure at forty?

If I train enough, I get around five levels a week. That means, if you plan things out well enough, that's about two weeks worth of time.

[....to be honest, if it was Greed, he'd forget about it until level 50 or so.]

[deaftly]

Yeah, I know. I do a lot of training since it's one of the things I'm good at.

[It's neither a bragging comment or a self-deprecating one, it's just stated as a fact.]

So yeah, it shouldn't take that long, but I'll keep trying at every level to see exactly when they can evolve!

[ossifragant]

...you know, I have one of those. I didn't even know they had an evolved form.

[...that's because you're dumb, Greed.]

[deaftly]

Yeah? You should definitely evolve it! I mean, they're ugly as fuck, but they're stronger. The ones I have are way better at that whole psychic-talking shit too. You can hold conversations with them and you don't have to babysit them!

[...Naki, this might be a problem with your specific set of Inkays...]

[ossifragant]

[...what.]

Why would you need to babysit them? They're pretty self-reliant, aren't they?

[deaftly]

What are you talking about? These fuckers would go play in traffic if I let them!

[...]

If there was traffic. 'Cause, y'know, there aren't any cars...

[...It sounded better in his head, shut up.]

Point is that they're so fucking absent-minded that they don't care about their surroundings and do whatever the fuck they want. I swear they've been nearly trampled over about a hundred times!

[This is probably because he just leaves them out in the hallways in the Team Rocket base and those poor Grunts have to get by, but you know what. He'll blame the Inkays for that.]

[ossifragant]

[He sloowly tilts his head at the description.

It sounds like Naki has a lot of dumb Pokemon, honestly.]

...are you just leaving them in the middle of the street?

[deaftly]

Of course not! I let 'em out once while I was at a café and they just sort of wandered off when I turned for like, five seconds. It took me an hour to find 'em! They were apparently really enamored with an Inkay sweatshirt on display in some shop. I wouldn't be surprised if they were trying to communicate with it.

[ossifragant]

[...somehow that doesn't add up but you know what let's roll with it.

They sound like some serious pains in the ass as it is.]

You have some bad luck with Pokemon.

[It's like Greed and his Pumkaboos....]

[deaftly]

[Don't let Naki see the Pumpkaboos, he'll want them all.]

These guys, yeah. My others are pretty good, actually. I mean, my starter wouldn't stop crying until he evolved, but he's better now!

[ossifragant]

[....Don't say depressing things like that, wow.]

...do I even want to know?

[deaftly]

He was a Cubone, so I guess he really missed his mom. That's what the 'Dex entry said, at least. But like I said, he got over it!

[Naki's expression falls for a moment. Losing someone close to you isn't something you should just "get over", but maybe Skull didn't get over it and simply learned how to move on or something. Maybe he could learn a thing or two from the Marowak.

He forces a grin after a moment though.]

Aside from him though, I haven't had too many issues! I mean there was Fish, but apparently all Magikarps just fucking suck.

[ossifragant]

Magikarps evolve into Gyarados. They're pretty useful, but until they evolve they're a pain. Or so I've heard, I don't actually have one.

[He makes note of Naki's expression when talking about his Cubone, but Greed isn't really sure what he can do about it. If he should say something or pretend he didn't see anything.]

[deaftly]

Yeah, Fish was my second Pokémon and he was fucking useless until he evolved! I'd never raise another one, but he's really damn good now!

[Well, Naki moves on as if it never happened, so at least there's that?]

[ossifragant]

[Good! So they can pretend that nothing awkward is going on!]

I wonder what level it does happen at, though. You can't ever predict that, can you?

.....why do Pokemon have levels, anyway? Normal animals don't.

[deaftly]

No, I don't think so. It'd be nice if everything would evolve at a set level or something, but nope. They've just gotta make things difficult on us.

[Greed's question brings up a very good point though...]

Yeah, hang on. This place doesn't have normal animals, so all the "regular" animals here are Pokémon. All the Pokémon have levels. Holy shit, do you think that people have levels too? Like, do the people from this world have levels? Will you get experience for beating up people with Pokémon!?

[ossifragant]

Shit.

[He didn't even think about that.]

But I don't think people evolve like Pokemon. I've never seen that, and I have a few level 100 Pokemon.

Maybe you're supposed to spar with people instead?

[deaftly]

Oh shit, wait, maybe we don't have proper evolutions, but we like... slowly evolve? Like, I've changed a lot since I came here. So maybe I've evolved some!

[NAKI NO]

Though I have beaten up a ton of people, so maybe that's why! Holy shit. I think we've figured it out.

[ossifragant]

[Whose idea was this??]

We need to test this out! Hypotheses have to be researched before they can be proven!

[deaftly]

I don't know shit about hypotenuses, [naki no] but yeah! Fuck yeah! We've gotta test this shit out immediately!

[...]

Or at least when it stops hailing.

[ossifragant]

[Wait, you mean you don't want to go pick fights in the middle of a hailstorm?

That's what idiots hardcore people do!]

Sounds like a damn good plan to me.

[deaftly]

[Oh no, he'd totally do it! He tried to do it yesterday, actually, and as soon as he got outside he got hit in the eye. How did he even manage this??? Anyway, the point is that getting smacked in the eye with hail is fucking awful, don't go out in it!]

Great! So as soon as the fucking hail stops, we'll go test it out! I won't forget!!

[ossifragant]

[So is this an idiot brigade date, or...]

Great! Let's hope it improves tomorrow, huh?

[deaftly]

[What date could be better than beating people up?

...Take him out for cake afterwards, it'll be the perfect date!!]

Yeah! I can't fucking wait!!