SECOND ERRAND ➣ VIDEO

[deaftly]

[Normally Naki wouldn't bother posting a video to the whole network about something like this, but he's been trapped inside for far too long due to the hail and he's bored. So here we are.

The room behind Naki is exceptionally plain, without any sort of interesting features at all. Naki is slightly more interesting, if only because he's leering at the 'Gear in a way that definitely can't mean anything good. He's wearing the usual suit and overall there's nothing different about him. The interesting part of the video are the six Inkays at his feet. That's right. Six. Oh wait, one of them has a serious case of Ditto-face, but the other five look like normal Inkays.]

Alright, listen up! I'm going to show you guys something really fucking cool!

[And with that, Naki pulls out a bottle. It really isn't all that remarkable, but he turns it to reveal a cute Inkay sticker in the middle.]

This is an Inkay Bottle. I guess it's not as common knowledge as I thought it was, but this is how you evolve these fuckers!

[He nudges one of the Inkays with his foot, not hard enough to hurt it. It squeaks in response.]

So! Today I'm gonna evolve these things!

[He reaches down and picks up the Ditto-faced one, apparently not realizing that it's in fact a Ditto, then pops open the bottle and proceeds to stuff the Ditto-squid inside. That bottle really doesn't look big enough for a squid to fit into, but here we go.]

Okay, so once you've got 'em inside, then you turn it around like so-- [Naki spins the bottle around a few times and pops off the lid.] --And here we go--!

[...Well, whatever he was expecting, it wasn't a blue Ditto oozing out of the bottle and falling into a very dizzy puddle on the ground.]

What the fuck-- Goddammit, Copy!! I told you to sit over there, out of the way! Fucking hell, you've ruined everything!

[Naki proceeds to reach down and grab the poor Pokémon, only for it to try to wriggle free. One of the five Inkays apparently decides that this is enough stupid for one day and reaches up to turn off the 'Gear.]

Comments

video

[fourwayconnection]

...Nice. Real nice, man.

[deaftly]

Fuck off, it would've worked just fine if Copy hadn't pulled that shit!

[Video]

[stitchedupbodyguard]

Well, that's fascinating.

[sort of. not.]

[deaftly]

It's more fascinating when it actually works and it's not a fucking Ditto getting in the way.

[Naki makes a face.]

[stitchedupbodyguard]

Alright.

[That's probably the truth. But how can she tell?]

So, have you ever actually seen this work before?

[deaftly]

Of course I have! I have two Malamars and this is how I evolved 'em!

[stitchedupbodyguard]

So try again. If it works, then it should work with something that's not a Ditto, right?

video;

[ossifragant]

[...uh.]

Are you feeling okay?

[That was a little sad, bro.]

[deaftly]

Huh? Yeah, of course I am. I mean, yeah, I'm kinda pissed that Copy ruined it, but I'm alright!

[PRETTY DAMN BORED, but alright!]

[ossifragant]

Did you really not notice that was a ditto?

[He figured Naki was a little dumb but that's still a little...]

[deaftly]

I was looking at the stupid 'Gear, of course I didn't notice!

[ossifragant]

[...sigh, Naki.]

Ah, no big deal. So that's how the thing evolves, huh? Seems a little weird.

[But then again, evolving Growlithe involves throwing a rock at it, so he can't be surprised.]

[video]

[awesmazings]

[...well that happened. And seeing as that probably wasn't what was supposed to happen...]

So wait...what was supposed to happen? You put them in bottles and they...actually evolve that way?

[Because nobody is actually asking the important question, here.]

[deaftly]

They pop out of the bottles! It's like shaking a champagne bottle and then uncorking it - it goes fucking flying!

[...sorry were you expecting something that wasn't stupidity?]

1/2

[awesmazings]

[HE...ISN'T SURE, HONESTLY.]

That's...really weird. I don't think I've ever heard of something evolving that way. Like, by using stones and stuff, yeah...but not that.

[awesmazings]

...but that does sound kinda cool, too!

[........oh god.]

It doesn't hurt them though, does it?

[deaftly]

Yeah, I think it's a thing unique to the species! They don't have Ditto Bottles or anything, just the Inkay ones. But no, it doesn't hurt 'em! At least, I don't think it does. They get kinda dizzy for awhile, but they're not hurt.

[...]

But I'll prove it! Now where's one of-- ha!

[Naki reaches somewhere off camera and grabs an Inkay. He's holding it by the tentacle, but the Pokémon doesn't seem bothered by that. It does start squirming when it realizes Naki still has the bottle.]

Hold still, you little-- C'mon already--!!

[He finally manages to stuff the squirming squid into the bottle. Naki turns it around a few times and presto!!

...The squid just sort of oozes out like the Ditto, but at least it's not a literal puddle.]

Shit, it's not now either? What the fuck!?

[video]

[fatalissimo]

...I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but you're going to break something.

[So says the small pink-haired thing sitting in a hotel lobby, parked on a couch with a massive bag of sweets next to her.]

[deaftly]

[...Well, he can approve of the sweets, at least!]

There's nothing in here that's all that important. Besides, I evolved two of 'em in here before and nothing broke!

[That's obviously what you're talking about, right?]

[fatalissimo]

I'd be more worried about your face. Keep that up and you're going to piss 'em off.

[deaftly]

You don't need to worry about that, these fuckers love me!

[...Look, they're not the brightest...]

[video]

[enjoymyatelier]

...

You know, at this point, I'm not sure whether to believe you on this actually being how you evolve those things or if it's just some bizarre snake oil someone sold you.

[deaftly]

Snake oil? But they're squids. Why would they need snake oil?

[...WELL WHO CARES, MOVING ON]

But no, this is definitely how you evolve 'em! I've got two Malamars!

[enjoymyatelier]

...it's a figure of speech. But... I would say that I'm surprised there's such a ridiculous evolution method out there, but I'm really, really not.

Wonders never cease, I suppose...

[deaftly]

I guess it's pretty weird, but it's definitely the most fun evolution method!