deaftly | SECOND ERRAND ➣ VIDEO

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SECOND ERRAND ➣ VIDEO

[Normally Naki wouldn't bother posting a video to the whole network about something like this, but he's been trapped inside for far too long due to the hail and he's bored. So here we are.

The room behind Naki is exceptionally plain, without any sort of interesting features at all. Naki is slightly more interesting, if only because he's leering at the 'Gear in a way that definitely can't mean anything good. He's wearing the usual suit and overall there's nothing different about him. The interesting part of the video are the six Inkays at his feet. That's right. Six. Oh wait, one of them has a serious case of Ditto-face, but the other five look like normal Inkays.]

Alright, listen up! I'm going to show you guys something really fucking cool!

[And with that, Naki pulls out a bottle. It really isn't all that remarkable, but he turns it to reveal a cute Inkay sticker in the middle.]

This is an Inkay Bottle. I guess it's not as common knowledge as I thought it was, but this is how you evolve these fuckers!

[He nudges one of the Inkays with his foot, not hard enough to hurt it. It squeaks in response.]

So! Today I'm gonna evolve these things!

[He reaches down and picks up the Ditto-faced one, apparently not realizing that it's in fact a Ditto, then pops open the bottle and proceeds to stuff the Ditto-squid inside. That bottle really doesn't look big enough for a squid to fit into, but here we go.]

Okay, so once you've got 'em inside, then you turn it around like so-- [Naki spins the bottle around a few times and pops off the lid.] --And here we go--!

[...Well, whatever he was expecting, it wasn't a blue Ditto oozing out of the bottle and falling into a very dizzy puddle on the ground.]

What the fuck-- Goddammit, Copy!! I told you to sit over there, out of the way! Fucking hell, you've ruined everything!

[Naki proceeds to reach down and grab the poor Pokémon, only for it to try to wriggle free. One of the five Inkays apparently decides that this is enough stupid for one day and reaches up to turn off the 'Gear.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out! You can prolly just keep using those bottles over and over until it actually works.

[...]

Why do you want so many of them, though?

That's what I've been doing! Every level I shove 'em in and see if they evolve. All of them. Just to make sure it's not some specific stupid thing I'm missing.

[That's a very good question, Jimmy!]

Why do I want so many of them...? Because they're fucking hilarious! Squids spraying out of a bottle is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen!

[...because Naki is literally five, okay.]

[...Naki, you could literally figure that out by using just one Inkay. You don't need to do that to all of them...]

Huh...well, that makes sense, I guess! You're gonna have a lot of...uh, whatever those guys evolve into when you're done, though.

[And unbeknownst to Jimmy Malamar is quite large, so that's going to be a thing.]

So are you gonna train 'em all...or give them away, or what?

Malamar! I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with all of 'em, but I'll have eight!

[...Wait, hang on, he's misplaced an Inkay somewhere if there's a Ditto out right now, but whatever, he'll figure that out later.]

I guess I could sell 'em or something. I'm not sure yet.

[It would make up the cost of the Inkay Bottles... Though more likely he's just going to hand them over to Team Rocket. Apparently they really like it if you hand over high-leveled Pokémon!]

[Careful Naki, or you'll turn around and there will be sixteen instead.]

Boy...well, I'm sure you'll figure out something to do with them all. Inkay is a pretty cool Pokemon itself, so I bet lots of people would be interested in having a Malamar.

[What do you think he's going to do once he's done evolving this set? Breed some more of course!!]

Well, I dunno about that. Malamars are fucking hideous. They're pretty strong though, so I guess there's that. They're also better at that whole psychic-talking-in-your-mind shit.

[...His Inkays are a little dumb.]

[God have mercy.]

Oh! Eh, that sorta thing kinda depends. What you think looks bad someone else might not, yaknow?

And that's really cool, actually. I've only got one Pokemon that's Psychic, and she's only half Psychic since she evolved...but I do have a friend who's got a lot of Psychic types.

Oh, well they're only half-Psychic. They're also half-Dark, which is pretty cool. I'm not really sure what they're weak against, actually...

[He should probably try to remember the type matchups. Oops.]

They've got a lot of fucking mean moves though. Like Swagger and Topsy-Turvy, which is still the stupidest name for a move ever.

....are you sure that's right? Cause Psychic is weak against Dark.

[Man, that's weird if it is true, though.]

Topsy-Turvy? I don't think I've ever heard of that move before. What does it do?

Yep, all Inkays have the same type combination! So I guess it means that Dark just does normal damage to 'em...?

[Right? Is that right? Eh, whatever.]

Topsy-Turvy's... okay, so if a Pokémon uses something like Swords Dance and raises its attack, Topsy-Turvy does the opposite. So if it's already raised its attack, the move lowers the Pokémon's defense. So if you've got some jackass constantly boosting his Pokémon's stats, you can just use that and suddenly they're weak as hell!

I haven't seen any other Pokémon with that move, so I guess it might be kinda rare.

[At least Jimmy's the type of person to take your word for it, Naki, cause that's exactly what he's going to do.]

Haha, that sounds like it'd be really handy, actually! Especially if you were in a really tough gym battle, or something. Especially if they're the only Pokemon that know it. That's prolly why I haven't heard of it before.

It's super handy with Swagger. It raises the enemy's attack and confuses them, so using Topsy-Turvy after that'll lower their attack! I haven't tried it in a Gym battle yet, but that's 'cause I don't give a shit about the badges. What's the point of them anyway?

Well, you're gonna need badges if you wanna Surf and Fly and stuff. Your Pokemon can still learn those moves and use them in battle, of course, but you won't be able to actually ride on them without the badges.

...I don't really know how it works, but I guess it's like how you can't climb those ledges on foot and stuff.

But I'm not gonna need that shit if I never leave Goldenrod. The routes suck, why would I ever wanna travel all that way just to get the ability to use fucking Surf?

[Then he'd get wet and he'd have to live for weeks without cake!! Do you understand how terrible this would be, Jimmy??]

[Okay, but if you had a giant Ferret you could ride across the water like some ridiculous living pool noodle, you'd do it even if you didn't have anywhere to be, wouldn't you?]

Weeell...I guess, but if you can use Fly you won't even need to worry about the routes! You could just fly to wherever you wanted to go. Plus, there's a whole lot more to see in places other than Goldenrod. Lots of different Pokemon, too.

[Absolutely not, his suit would be ruined!!

...Now if he actually prepared for the ferret-pool-noodle incident then hell yes, he'd be all over that in a heartbeat.]

I guess that's a good point. But Goldenrod's the biggest city here, right? Where else am I supposed to go to get cake at four in the morning!?

[This is a very serious question!!]

[You do have your priorities in order, don't you.]

Goldenrod might be the biggest, but other towns have places you could eat, too. And so many cool places to visit! Like, there's the Dance Theatre you can visit in Ecruteak, and the hot springs up in Blackthorn...really, you're missing out if you don't try traveling a little!

[He'll admit that he spends a lot of time in Goldenrod himself, but it's where his job is, and all.]

Who gives a shit about dancing? ...Unless it's that Dance Dance Eeveelution game or whatever, that shit's fun. And who cares about hot springs either? What if I get all the way out there and there isn't even anything good to eat? It'll be a massive waste of time!

You won't know it was a waste of time until you try! And I'm not sayin' you gotta just pack up and go now or anything. It's just something to think about, if you start to get bored here in town.

Huh, I guess so. I'll keep it in mind if I ever start getting bored here, but I've been here for months and I haven't reached that point yet.

Yeah. I guess you've got plenty to do, evolving all those Inkay and all.

Of course! Once I'm done with all these, I'll breed some more and do the whole thing over again! It's gonna be an endless cycle of awesome!

[God have mercy]

I hope you have enough money to buy bottles to evolve them, though! I know evolution items can kinda get up there, 'specially if you're buying a whole bunch at once.

It'll be no problem. I've got a pretty good system going!

[STEALING FROM NPCs um]

[BRO THAT'S ILLEGAL

not that he knows you're Team Rocket but uh

anyway]

Alright, well, you know more 'bout it than I do anyway. Maybe one of these days I'll catch an Inkay so I can try it myself.

[Hopefully not ending up with a million squids because nobody wants or needs that.]

What's your name, by the way? I don't think I've met you before- my name's Jimmy Two-Shoes!

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