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[deaftly]

--shit's supposed to record my voice? Why the fuck would I want to leave a message on this thing anyway? They should know who the fuck they're calling if they're calling me in the first place, and obviously I'm not gonna pick up if I don't like them so...

What do you mean it's already recording?

Comments

[deaftly]

...New body? Wait, is the new body the one that looks sort of like you do now or is that the old one?

[ratingspoint]

That's the new one! Why?

[...is that strange.]

[deaftly]

What did your old one look like?

[...Does he want to know???]

[ratingspoint]

[Oh. well, that's- ]

...Glad you asked!

[...Clearly not awkward at all.

And thankfully really easy to draw, because it's kind of.]

That's what I looked like before.

[He says, with all the earnest and completely cavalier bluntness of someone who is, surprisingly, not fucking with you in the least.]

[deaftly]

...Are you fucking with me?

[No, okay, that has to be asked first, because--]

Is that a calculator?

[ratingspoint]

...No...?

[...well.]

Well, I suppose I could function as one. Dr. Alphys did build that feature in and all.

[deaftly]

You... You were a fucking calculator on a wheel... Why one wheel!?

[He sounds very distressed about this, okay.]

[ratingspoint]

...Why not one wheel?

[METTATON, THAT SORT OF QUESTION LITERALLY NEVER HELPS]

Really, though - turning radius, probably.

[deaftly]

What the fuck does that even mean?

[Did you forget that you're dealing with a total idiot, Mettaton?]

[ratingspoint]

...Easier to make sharp turns, darling, is that better? You need less space for it.

[deaftly]

But wouldn't you just fall over? That wheel looks so fucking tiny in comparison to the rest of you!

[ratingspoint]

...Well, you have been wondering why I don't break my ankles due to my shoes.

After that? Balancing in heels is so much easier.

[deaftly]

You... You...

[HE FEELS SO LIED TO RIGHT NOW]

Oh my god.

[ratingspoint]

Ohhhhh yes! Really, darling, I'm good, but I'm not that good - at least, not without a little practice.

Fortunately, I'm pretty used to figuring for gravity.

[deaftly]

Oh my fucking god. I can't believe you. You didn't tell me you were a calculator on a unicycle!!

[THIS IS CLEARLY THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL]

[ratingspoint]

There are a few things I haven't told you about what I used to be, actually.

[deaftly]

Like what? There's nothing that could be more surprising than... that.

[He gestures to the picture. Oh my god he is going to have a story for Tsukiyama later.]

[ratingspoint]

Can you keep a secret? I don't tell most people about this next part.

[deaftly]

Of course I can keep a secret! I've kept my secret pretty fucking well for the past year.

[Sure, you know he's not a human, but most people don't know that!!]

[ratingspoint]

[He'll move a bit closer at that; it's not as though anyone can overhear them, anyway, but this is...strange, to be telling someone else. It's not something he shares with anyone, really - the only person who actually knows is Napstablook - so this is...kind of exciting for some reason? He doesn't know why, but it is.]

Everything I've said about being a robot with a soul of its own...? It's technically true, but not in the way that most people think! Honestly, I can't be "programmed" at all, because...I'm not actually running on A.I.

I used to be another sort of monster entirely. Dr. Alphys didn't create me, she just made this body for me so my soul could be put into it.

[deaftly]

...Whoa. So you were something else before you became a robot? Holy shit.

[That is actually totally cool and not totally brain-breaking!!]

So what were you before? And why did you want to change?

[ratingspoint]

[As little as he talks about this, this part always does amuse him a bit, at least here.]

Ever wondered why I like those Rotoms so much...?

I was a ghost, darling.

[It doesn't answer the second half of it and he knows it, but there's no sense in giving everything out all at once.]

[deaftly]

[.........................]

You were... a ghost. And you're now a robot.

Oh my god, this explains your Rotoms perfectly.

[YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE DON'T MAKE HIM LAUGH AT THIS]

[ratingspoint]

I thought you would like that.

Really, though. We all do that. Most ghosts I know of have gone and found bodies of their own - training dummies or appliances or other things that can give us some sort of physical form. Eventually we fuse with them, and we're technically not ghosts anymore.

It comes with the unfortunate effect of being able to be harmed or killed, of course! But having a body of your own is worth it.

[deaftly]

...Training dummies?

[HE DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW, DOES HE]

Holy shit, that sounds pretty crazy. But you had Dr. Alphys create your ideal body for you? And uh... you just sort of took over the calculator-unicycle one until it was ready?