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[deaftly]

--shit's supposed to record my voice? Why the fuck would I want to leave a message on this thing anyway? They should know who the fuck they're calling if they're calling me in the first place, and obviously I'm not gonna pick up if I don't like them so...

What do you mean it's already recording?

Comments

[deaftly]

Hah, yeah, that might be good! Though if you wanna complain I'm not stopping you. Being nice is really fucking hard sometimes!

[ratingspoint]

Well, I did say some pretty nasty things about her on live television, in front of the entire Underground.

[Which, from the sound of it, he does not feel sorry at all about having done.]

Between that and the fact that I finally got to debut the new body she promised me - and it's about time, don't get me wrong! - I think we might be even now. Or at least even enough.

[deaftly]

...New body? Wait, is the new body the one that looks sort of like you do now or is that the old one?

[ratingspoint]

That's the new one! Why?

[...is that strange.]

[deaftly]

What did your old one look like?

[...Does he want to know???]

[ratingspoint]

[Oh. well, that's- ]

...Glad you asked!

[...Clearly not awkward at all.

And thankfully really easy to draw, because it's kind of.]

That's what I looked like before.

[He says, with all the earnest and completely cavalier bluntness of someone who is, surprisingly, not fucking with you in the least.]

[deaftly]

...Are you fucking with me?

[No, okay, that has to be asked first, because--]

Is that a calculator?

[ratingspoint]

...No...?

[...well.]

Well, I suppose I could function as one. Dr. Alphys did build that feature in and all.

[deaftly]

You... You were a fucking calculator on a wheel... Why one wheel!?

[He sounds very distressed about this, okay.]

[ratingspoint]

...Why not one wheel?

[METTATON, THAT SORT OF QUESTION LITERALLY NEVER HELPS]

Really, though - turning radius, probably.

[deaftly]

What the fuck does that even mean?

[Did you forget that you're dealing with a total idiot, Mettaton?]

[ratingspoint]

...Easier to make sharp turns, darling, is that better? You need less space for it.

[deaftly]

But wouldn't you just fall over? That wheel looks so fucking tiny in comparison to the rest of you!

[ratingspoint]

...Well, you have been wondering why I don't break my ankles due to my shoes.

After that? Balancing in heels is so much easier.

[deaftly]

You... You...

[HE FEELS SO LIED TO RIGHT NOW]

Oh my god.

[ratingspoint]

Ohhhhh yes! Really, darling, I'm good, but I'm not that good - at least, not without a little practice.

Fortunately, I'm pretty used to figuring for gravity.

[deaftly]

Oh my fucking god. I can't believe you. You didn't tell me you were a calculator on a unicycle!!

[THIS IS CLEARLY THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL]

[ratingspoint]

There are a few things I haven't told you about what I used to be, actually.

[deaftly]

Like what? There's nothing that could be more surprising than... that.

[He gestures to the picture. Oh my god he is going to have a story for Tsukiyama later.]

[ratingspoint]

Can you keep a secret? I don't tell most people about this next part.

[deaftly]

Of course I can keep a secret! I've kept my secret pretty fucking well for the past year.

[Sure, you know he's not a human, but most people don't know that!!]

[ratingspoint]

[He'll move a bit closer at that; it's not as though anyone can overhear them, anyway, but this is...strange, to be telling someone else. It's not something he shares with anyone, really - the only person who actually knows is Napstablook - so this is...kind of exciting for some reason? He doesn't know why, but it is.]

Everything I've said about being a robot with a soul of its own...? It's technically true, but not in the way that most people think! Honestly, I can't be "programmed" at all, because...I'm not actually running on A.I.

I used to be another sort of monster entirely. Dr. Alphys didn't create me, she just made this body for me so my soul could be put into it.

[deaftly]

...Whoa. So you were something else before you became a robot? Holy shit.

[That is actually totally cool and not totally brain-breaking!!]

So what were you before? And why did you want to change?

[ratingspoint]

[As little as he talks about this, this part always does amuse him a bit, at least here.]

Ever wondered why I like those Rotoms so much...?

I was a ghost, darling.

[It doesn't answer the second half of it and he knows it, but there's no sense in giving everything out all at once.]

[deaftly]

[.........................]

You were... a ghost. And you're now a robot.

Oh my god, this explains your Rotoms perfectly.

[YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE DON'T MAKE HIM LAUGH AT THIS]