deaftly | IC CONTACT

Well! Why not snails?

[...That's not getting anyone anywhere, is it.]

People eat them back home. The boss monsters love them.

Boss monsters? And who the fuck eats snails?

[OH GOD NOT THIS AGAIN, WHEN WILL HE LEARN TO STOP ASKING]

...Give me a moment? Let me go get something and I'll show you.

[He's already getting up, it's not like you have much of a choice- ]

Uh... Okay?

[Alright, Mettaton, what are you up to...??]

[Getting one of his diaries out! One that he hasn't used yet, but bought so he has one on hand when he needs one. He'll come back with that and a pen after a moment, and he's quick to open it up and uncap the pen, tapping it against the page a few times before he starts.]

You seem pretty curious about what I'm referring to a lot of the time, so...

[His drawings are really far over on the sketchy side, but they aren't bad, all things considered - the sort of thing that's really obviously unpracticed and not particularly great, but it's functional enough to give you the idea.

The first thing is...well, something that looks like a cross between a person and a goat or something, with long hair and large horns curling out from the sides of his head.]

That's King Asgore - I've mentioned him to you before! He's one of the boss monsters, the strongest there is.

[Naki moves closer so he can watch Mettaton work. His head is tipped slightly to the side as he tries to figure out what he's looking at, but once Mettaton's done drawing Naki finally gets it.]

Oh my god, he's so cute! This is your king? I was expecting... Actually, I have no fucking idea what I was expecting, but he's adorable!

Everyone loves him - he's given us all hope that we'll get out of the Underground one day. Most say that he's an absolute pushover. I don't think so, but I know that he is pretty nice to all of us.

[He pauses for a moment, tipping his head a little before moving on - the second thing he produces is physically similar enough to be the same species, but...]

And that's Toriel. King Asgore's...well, I guess she's his ex-wife now. She used to be our queen, but no one has seen her for years now.

They're so cute!

[YOU GUYS WERE RULED BY ADORABLE GOATPEOPLE OH MY GOD]

What happened? Did she just leave on her own, or...?

I don't know, actually! I just know that they were married, but they aren't anymore.

[He shrugs, though; clearly it's not too important.]

But they are really cute, aren't they? I can show you some other people too, if you want.

Yeah, of course! I want to see some of the others you've mentioned!

Of course, darling!

[Hmmmmmm...

The next one has a bit more detail put into it; it's pretty obvious that he's familiar with what this one looks like - "this one" being what appears to be a lizard in a labcoat.]

This is Dr. Alphys.

...You know, I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but a literal dinosaur wasn't it.

[He tips his head a bit before laughing.]

She's pretty cute too though! Are you just surrounded by adorable people?

Cute...? Are you kidding? She's a total dork!

[That's almost affectionate, though. Almost.]

I've known her for a long time, though, so I'm used to it by now.

Well yeah, but aren't all scientists dorks? That's in the job description, isn't it?

[naki]

[How dare you make him laugh, asshole.]

That's true! That's very true, darling, it really must be. At least, if she's anything to judge by.

She's done a lot for me, though, so I guess I should probably be nice. Sometimes.

Hah, yeah, that might be good! Though if you wanna complain I'm not stopping you. Being nice is really fucking hard sometimes!

Well, I did say some pretty nasty things about her on live television, in front of the entire Underground.

[Which, from the sound of it, he does not feel sorry at all about having done.]

Between that and the fact that I finally got to debut the new body she promised me - and it's about time, don't get me wrong! - I think we might be even now. Or at least even enough.

...New body? Wait, is the new body the one that looks sort of like you do now or is that the old one?

That's the new one! Why?

[...is that strange.]

What did your old one look like?

[...Does he want to know???]

[Oh. well, that's- ]

...Glad you asked!

[...Clearly not awkward at all.

And thankfully really easy to draw, because it's kind of.]

That's what I looked like before.

[He says, with all the earnest and completely cavalier bluntness of someone who is, surprisingly, not fucking with you in the least.]

...Are you fucking with me?

[No, okay, that has to be asked first, because--]

Is that a calculator?

...No...?

[...well.]

Well, I suppose I could function as one. Dr. Alphys did build that feature in and all.

You... You were a fucking calculator on a wheel... Why one wheel!?

[He sounds very distressed about this, okay.]

...Why not one wheel?

[METTATON, THAT SORT OF QUESTION LITERALLY NEVER HELPS]

Really, though - turning radius, probably.

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