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[deaftly]

--shit's supposed to record my voice? Why the fuck would I want to leave a message on this thing anyway? They should know who the fuck they're calling if they're calling me in the first place, and obviously I'm not gonna pick up if I don't like them so...

What do you mean it's already recording?

Comments

[ratingspoint]

I don't know, actually! I just know that they were married, but they aren't anymore.

[He shrugs, though; clearly it's not too important.]

But they are really cute, aren't they? I can show you some other people too, if you want.

[deaftly]

Yeah, of course! I want to see some of the others you've mentioned!

[ratingspoint]

Of course, darling!

[Hmmmmmm...

The next one has a bit more detail put into it; it's pretty obvious that he's familiar with what this one looks like - "this one" being what appears to be a lizard in a labcoat.]

This is Dr. Alphys.

[deaftly]

...You know, I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but a literal dinosaur wasn't it.

[He tips his head a bit before laughing.]

She's pretty cute too though! Are you just surrounded by adorable people?

[ratingspoint]

Cute...? Are you kidding? She's a total dork!

[That's almost affectionate, though. Almost.]

I've known her for a long time, though, so I'm used to it by now.

[deaftly]

Well yeah, but aren't all scientists dorks? That's in the job description, isn't it?

[naki]

[ratingspoint]

[How dare you make him laugh, asshole.]

That's true! That's very true, darling, it really must be. At least, if she's anything to judge by.

She's done a lot for me, though, so I guess I should probably be nice. Sometimes.

[deaftly]

Hah, yeah, that might be good! Though if you wanna complain I'm not stopping you. Being nice is really fucking hard sometimes!

[ratingspoint]

Well, I did say some pretty nasty things about her on live television, in front of the entire Underground.

[Which, from the sound of it, he does not feel sorry at all about having done.]

Between that and the fact that I finally got to debut the new body she promised me - and it's about time, don't get me wrong! - I think we might be even now. Or at least even enough.

[deaftly]

...New body? Wait, is the new body the one that looks sort of like you do now or is that the old one?

[ratingspoint]

That's the new one! Why?

[...is that strange.]

[deaftly]

What did your old one look like?

[...Does he want to know???]

[ratingspoint]

[Oh. well, that's- ]

...Glad you asked!

[...Clearly not awkward at all.

And thankfully really easy to draw, because it's kind of.]

That's what I looked like before.

[He says, with all the earnest and completely cavalier bluntness of someone who is, surprisingly, not fucking with you in the least.]

[deaftly]

...Are you fucking with me?

[No, okay, that has to be asked first, because--]

Is that a calculator?

[ratingspoint]

...No...?

[...well.]

Well, I suppose I could function as one. Dr. Alphys did build that feature in and all.

[deaftly]

You... You were a fucking calculator on a wheel... Why one wheel!?

[He sounds very distressed about this, okay.]

[ratingspoint]

...Why not one wheel?

[METTATON, THAT SORT OF QUESTION LITERALLY NEVER HELPS]

Really, though - turning radius, probably.

[deaftly]

What the fuck does that even mean?

[Did you forget that you're dealing with a total idiot, Mettaton?]

[ratingspoint]

...Easier to make sharp turns, darling, is that better? You need less space for it.

[deaftly]

But wouldn't you just fall over? That wheel looks so fucking tiny in comparison to the rest of you!

[ratingspoint]

...Well, you have been wondering why I don't break my ankles due to my shoes.

After that? Balancing in heels is so much easier.

[deaftly]

You... You...

[HE FEELS SO LIED TO RIGHT NOW]

Oh my god.

[ratingspoint]

Ohhhhh yes! Really, darling, I'm good, but I'm not that good - at least, not without a little practice.

Fortunately, I'm pretty used to figuring for gravity.

[deaftly]

Oh my fucking god. I can't believe you. You didn't tell me you were a calculator on a unicycle!!

[THIS IS CLEARLY THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL]

[ratingspoint]

There are a few things I haven't told you about what I used to be, actually.